Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Good Saturday morning!

I DON'T say that very often, do I? But today is special. Why? Read on!

I was recently contacted by a representative from the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence to participate in ACADV’s Blog-a-Thon. After visiting the website (www.acadv.org), speaking with Tori , the Communications Coordinator at ACADV, and giving some thought on exactly what I would write, I agreed to accept this honor.

Tori’s initial e-mail explained what they were looking for in terms of content of the post. “The idea is, each participant will devote one blog post in October to write about what it means to participate in and enjoy a healthy relationship - be it with a friend, a family member or a romantic partner.”

I always use subtitles in my blog posts. I like to be “wordy,” but I understand not everyone likes to read paragraph after paragraph after paragraph of my ramblings. I will do the same today. Read what interests you… or move on to the next highlighted section! This is my little gift to you!

Date your best friend…

Of course, the first “healthy” relationship that comes to my mind is the one I share with Mikie… my husband of almost 24 years.

Our relationship began 27 years ago when I joined Shades Mountain Baptist and became active in their Singles Department.

I met Mikie at Shades Mountain Baptist Church when I was 22. I was visiting with a friend, and she had gone out with Mike the night before. "There he is," she said as we sat in the balcony looking down.

"He's cute," I approved. "Are you going to go out with him again?"

"No. It's just to soon after the break-up," was the reply. She had just broken up with someone after a long-term relationship.

"Well, it's a shame. He is cute," and then I settled back into my seat and enjoyed the service. As God would have it, Shades was the church He wanted me to join, and I began many new and wonderful friendships within the Singles Department. Mike was one of my friends. Mike was one of my BEST friends. When he wasn't dating (and he dated A LOT), we were together or on the phone or hanging out with a bunch of mutual friends. It was an easy, natural and enjoyable friendship.

Three years into our friendship, it became apparent to me that Mikie and I were supposed to be together. As he continued to date every girl in the entire Singles Department (I think it must have been a goal or something), I began to think of a way to tell him the obvious... I was the one he was supposed to be a-courting.

It was a Sunday afternoon in March, and I asked him over for lunch after church. Since he didn't have a date until after church that night, he was agreeable. As I finished getting things ready in the kitchen, I sent him into my living room.

"Why can't I stay in the kitchen?" he asked.

"Because I have to talk to you," I replied.

He rolled his eyes and went into the living room. From the kitchen, I yelled, "Why don't you ask ME out?"

"What!" and I could tell he had gotten off the sofa and was coming toward the kitchen.

"No, no, no! Back in the living room... and answer my question!"

"Well, I guess I thought it might mess up our friendship," he yelled back.

"We're supposed to be dating," I again yelled.

About this time, he popped his head around the corner grinning, and said, "So would you like to go out sometime?"

"Yes, I would. Thank you for asking."

Then he started thinking again... always a sign of trouble. "What if something happens and the dating thing doesn't go well and everything is awkward?"

"I've already thought of that. You'll have to change churches immediately. Dawson has a very good Singles Department. I think you'll be happy there."

"You've already thought about this?" He was incredulous.

"Yes, and I'm not kidding. It will be easier for you to change churches. You meet people much easier than I do. Plus, I'm not leaving Shades."

"Okay. Okay. I have a few commitments to take care of the next couple of weeks. Can we go out in three weeks?"

"By commitments do you mean other dates?"

"Uh, yes."

Long story short, I told him to go ahead and finish his "commitments," knowing in my heart of hearts those would be the last girls other than me he would ever get to go out with. (Don't worry. I told him he couldn't kiss his "commitments" good night at the door!)

Three weeks later we had our first date. He took me to Milo's (his favorite hamburger place) and we went to a movie (my favorite thing to do), and we talked about things like how many kids we wanted, and where we wanted to live and things like that. You know, first date kinds of things.

Date your mate for at least four seasons…

At three weeks, there was no doubt in our minds we were supposed to be together. We waited three months and met with Dr. Carter, our pastor at the time. Dr. Carter gave us very good advice. Because we were so sure we were to be married after only three months of dating, he told us he usually advised couples to date for at least four seasons. That translated into a year. A year was an eternity to two 26 year-olds who knew they were supposed to marry.

So we explained our relationship to Dr. Carter. We emphasized our three-year friendship. We talked about how we had encouraged each other during those three years. We had seen each other in bad moments and in good moments. We had shared hopes, dreams, secrets. We could actually finish each other’s sentences.

Technically, we had been together 12 SEASONS. (That’s a lot of seasons, Folks!)

Dr. Carter was satisfied with our response, but told us to give our families time to adjust to what our relationship had become… and we agreed.

We waited three more months and became engaged in August. We waited five more months and married January 23, 1988. As Martha Stewart would say... "It was a good thing."

We've had ups, downs and all-arounds, but all in all it has been a good 23 years. I have never thought I was supposed to be with anyone else. To the contrary, the longer we're together the more convinced I am he's the only person I could call my husband.

Marry your best friend…

I constantly tell Austin, Josh and Roxie, “Marry your best friend. Marry the person you know inside and out. Marry the person God has chosen just for you.” It is sound advice. Mikie is that person to me.

Yes, I could have married a different person at a younger age, but it would never have been the marriage I have today.

Is my marriage perfect? No. No, it is not. The longer we’ve been married, the more difficult life has become. We have dealt with the crippling grief of losing loved ones, the chronic (never ending) illness of a child, mental illness of more than one close family member, etc., etc. We are like every other married couple in the world. There is no “perfect marriage.”

But there are two constants that remain almost 24 years later…

We both believe (KNOW) God chose us for each other.

And to this day, we remain the best of friends.

Oh… And be sure he’s the right “one,” because no matter how many “seasons” you date before marriage, there will always be something new around the corner!

The “Plaque Reader” Story…

I always tease Mike about this, mainly because it was something I didn't know about him until after we were married. Is anyone else out there married or associated with someone who is a "Plaque Reader?" If you know someone like this, the term is not odd at all. If not, you're probably wondering what I'm talking about, so I will explain.

When we married, we went to Washington, D.C. for our honeymoon. I know it sounds like a strange place to go, but it was really quite wonderful. Mike loves history. I love snow. Mike loves ALL museums. I love snow. Mike loved the fact we were going to a place neither of us had ever been. I love snow. Well, I got my snow... 4" the day before we landed, and it stayed with us the entire seven days of our trip. Beautiful. And Mike's dream came true. We were honeymooning in the "Land of Plaques." There are probably more plaques per square inch in that city than anywhere else in the world.

I am a skimmer. I read the title on the plaque. I look at what the plaque is standing beside. I skim a couple more sentences and then I'm off to the next plaque. Mikie "absorbs" the plaque. He reads it carefully. He looks at the object carefully... and then re-reads the plaque again in case he missed something the first time. Can you say, "ARGHHH!"

We actually have a picture from our honeymoon of me sitting on a bench in the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History (my favorite kind of museum)... asleep. I just couldn't take it anymore. What takes most people one, two or three hours at the most to go through was taking us six to seven hours... and we still weren't finished.

Almost five years ago, Mike and I had the opportunity to drive down the Natchez Trace. If you've ever been, it is a beautiful ride and along the way, there are places "of interest" to stop. Well, you know what that means. Plaques in the middle of nowhere. After pulling over to our fifth (AND FINAL) Indian mound and reading the accompanying plaque, I had to put my foot down. (Have you ever seen an Indian mound? It's just a grassy hill in the middle of a grassy field. But the plaques are huge and probably have two-pages worth of information regarding the grassy mound.)

We had the opportunity to visit the Alamo in San Antonio, Texas. A relatively small area in which plaques live and prosper. "Mikie, it would be different if we didn't know this story or if we had never heard of Davy Crockett or Jim Bowie or the Alamo. We watched the John Wayne movie before we came. We know what these plaques are going to say. Heck, we could have written some of these plaques."

And, deep in thought and concentration, he continued to read and learn... and I found a nice shady bench in the garden to wait.

This past summer, we went to Graceland with the kids. We had a great time, but not surprisingly, Graceland has almost as many plaques as Washington, D.C. The boys and I breezed through the tour in about 90 minutes... and we enjoyed it. However, Roxie and Mike hung back... reading plaques. As you can imagine, this was very disturbing to me because I had no idea Roxie had inherited Mikie's "Plaque Reader" gene. As the boys and I waited at the end of the tour for Mike and Roxie to catch up (60 minutes later and complaining we had RUSHED them), they were content to listen to their I-pods. I don't have an I-pod. I was not content.

When we rode the bus back to the main complex across the street, everyone wanted to see the airplanes... more plaques. And the new military uniform museum... more plaques. And the costume museum... more plaques than grains of sand on a beach! "They" tell you to plan on spending three or four hours at Graceland. Well, we closed it down... and we still weren't finished.

I'm thinking about getting him a plaque for Christmas next year to put on an attractive stand near our front door. It will read, "In this house lives a wonderful husband and a terrific dad. He is funny, generous and loving. He is a Christian man, a fisherman, a camper, a racing fanatic, an Auburn alum. He is a good listener and great partner... but most of all, he is (and will always be) a 'Plaque Reader.'"

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Are you or someone you know being abused? Please call the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence for help 24/7 at 1-800-650-6522 or visit them online at www.acadv.org.

Have a grand Saturday! I'll be back Monday with pics from the past weekend, Randomness and more.

Take care, and I'll talk to you Monday morning!

Sincerely,

The Enchanting Belinda